Course - Layout
Pace of Play
Board of Directors,
Name of the Game
Rule of the month
1. If you really want to get
better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age.
2. The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.
3. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the
beginning of the next group of three.
4. When you look up, causing an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the
moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again.
5. Any change works for a maximum of three holes or at a minimum of not at
6. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.
7. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
8. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club
or two more balls.
9. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of
you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up, or you
can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.
10. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the
11. The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one
critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all of your many other
12. If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.
13. Golfers who claim they don't cheat, also lie.
14. Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
15. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.
16. It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 8.
17. Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting
him to make fun of his own haircut.
18. Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
19. It's not a gimme if you're still away.
20. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line
that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.
21. There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces just the way you
meant to play it.
22. You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the
23. Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys
to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
24. If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up
just short of a water hazard.
25. To calculate the speed of a player's downswing, multiply the speed of his backswing by
his handicap. Example: backswing 20 mph, handicap 15, downswing 300 mph.
26. There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and
checking the position of your hands: How many hands you have, and which one is wearing the
27. Hazards attract; fairways repel.
28. You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the
ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.
29. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
30. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the
31. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.
32. Don't buy a putter until you've had a chance to throw it.
33. Every time a golfer
makes a birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to restore the
fundamental equilibrium of the universe.
34. If you want to hit a 7 iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try
to lay up just short of a water hazard.
35. One of my personal favorites:
36. There are two things you can learn by stopping your back-swing at
the top and checking the position of your hands:
37. How many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
I38. t's easier to get up at 6:00 am. to play golf than at 10:00 am.
to mow the lawn.
39. A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from
giving up the game.
40. Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end
up having to pray a lot.
41, A good golf partner is one who's always slightly worse than you
That's why I get so many calls to play with friends.
42. If there's a storm rolling in, you'll be having the game of your
43. Golf balls are like eggs. They're white. They're sold by the
dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.
44. It's amazing how a golfer who never helps out around the house
will replace his divots, repair his ball marks, and rake his sand traps.
45. If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or
a seven, he probably shot an eight (or worse).
46. It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a
On the other hand, you don't get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat
hot dogs and fart, if you are performing Brain Surgery !!!!